I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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