And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
