I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
