I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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