I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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