I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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