I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
