omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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