Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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