how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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