i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
