I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
