What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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