He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
