The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
