Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
