your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
