Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's always time for handjobs
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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