Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize