You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
