At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
