No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
