the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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