This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
