my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
