I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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