Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
