He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
