Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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