There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
