you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
