I love black thongs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
