You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
