We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
