i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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