Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
