I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
