Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
