glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Boobs speak an international language.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
