ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
