The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sobbing to NWA
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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