he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
