I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
