How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
