I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
