If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
