I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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