This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
