Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
