I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he thought i was a dude.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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