You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
