Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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