I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
