i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
