Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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