You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
