I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
the raccoons are back...
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