Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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