i already hear my dad disowning me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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