the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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